Motivate Your Child (Book Review)
Do your kids do what needs to be done without you having to remind them? Yeah, neither do mine. At least not yet. But after reading Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent’s Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, I am optimistic that we’re heading in that direction. This has been one of the most helpful parenting books I’ve read in a long time, full of practical ideas and strategies for reaching children’s hearts as we prepare and equip them for life.
At a Glance
Motivate Your Child is about helping children grow and mature so that they can choose what’s right. Throughout the book Turansky and Miller refer to three levels of thinking. “Level one” refers to kids’ ordinary, everyday thinking about themselves and their activities. “Level two” thinking requires a bit more responsibility, focusing on other people and things outside of oneself. “Level three” goes even further, considering God’s hand in a situation. As we train our child’s conscience, we help enhance the higher levels of thinking so they consider more than just themselves when making choices.
I have found so many helpful ideas in this book that go against the typical parenting advice I’ve seen (and put into practice). “Internal motivation develops in children when parents focus on the heart instead of simply using reward and punishment to get their kids to act” (p. 43). That seems contrary to so much of what I’ve thought was the normal way to parent, and yet it makes so much more sense. Rather than encouraging our kids to focus on external rewards, we need to reach their hearts.
For example, in the chapter on “When Kids Make Mistakes,” the authors give three questions to ask when talking with your child after they’ve made a bad choice:
- What did you do wrong?
- Why was that wrong?
- What are you going to do differently next time?
By walking through this process, parents can help their children really consider the choice they made at a heart level, rather than simply dealing with the external circumstances.
This is just a glimpse at the wealth of helpful ideas for reaching your child’s heart. I especially appreciated the many examples from other families and the chance to see what has worked for them. Motivate Your Child left me feeling better equipped to teach my children about integrity, compassion, and honor, all qualities I hope to see in them as they grow into adulthood.
The second half of the book focus on children’s spiritual development, particularly through the “Family Challenge,” an intentional time for the family to spiritually connect once a week. While the first section helped me see a lot I wasn’t doing well, this part was encouraging because I think we’ve already established many of the ideas given here, like having a regular family time, teaching our children Scripture, and showing our kids faith in action. There are plenty of ideas for helping us continue to grow in those areas, as well as encouraging conversation starters for talking to our children about making their own commitments to Christ.
In Our Family
I have read several books that emphasize the importance of reaching a child’s heart, and all of them have left me frustrated to a certain extent, because it’s really hard to talk to young children on a heart level. Now that my oldest is elementary age, I’m finally starting to see some comprehension when I address the attitudes and motivation behind his behavior. However, after reading Motivate Your Child, I feel encouraged to keep trying with my younger children practicing the words that will mean more in the future, even if they don’t fully understand now.
As I read through the first section, I saw many areas where things haven’t been working for me and I’ve started to make the necessary changes. Too often I try to motivate my children with rewards, rather than helping them develop a desire to do the right thing. I’m also working on tightening my “action point” (when they actually respond versus when I first tell them to do something). I tend to give the older boys instruction and then go help the little ones, only to come back and get frustrated when I find the boys playing rather than accomplishing whatever it was I told them to do. Just these two areas have given me plenty to work on already, but I’ve seen positive results, and I look forward to putting some of the other things I’ve learned into practice, especially as my children get older.
Special Offer for the Book’s Release
If you’ve followed my blog you know how much I love books and how our house is almost overflowing with them. I’ve been thinking about culling my shelves for treasures and clearing out the rest. Motivate Your Child is definitely a book I’ll be saving and reading again. And once I’ve made room on my shelves, I’ll be looking to the National Center for Biblical Parenting for more resources to help us as we disciple our children.
